Sunday, November 8, 2009

Suddenly.i feel that the the sky is falling.



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Thursday, September 3, 2009

dead and gone

K,right now its 2:18.its 3rd sept 2009.

8 mored days before im serving my ns.4 weeks of hell i suppose.?.I'm not afraid of facing that harsh hellish battle zone.i don't mind at all.But i beloved.friends.and that special someone.

Everyone do sucks.but.why go through it.everyday.Im 19+ going to be 20 soon.and im glad till today.i could hear my heart beat.i could feel my feet touching the floor.i could see smiles.i could taste the god damn delicious foods out there.

Everyone may see easy going.relax.go with the flow kinda guys feel this space up larh ok.hahah.but im actually afraid.of beng realy scares me.This fear devour me every time..why u ask.its simple.

I grew up alone.i grew up by the one thought me from right or wrong.Where are my parents u might asked.erm,they are still here should i put it nicely.they are the kind.which give me freedom to explore with little guidence.but who made me for who i am is the experience.ive seen through out my life.Ive been to the lowest of lowest.and for now.highest of might be wondering.why.i am so.reckless.sometimes.bescause i dun very curious about life.realy.i do.its hard to mould my mind.because it was everywhere at wasnt easy.

Things change.when i retained.when i was 15.i failed all my subjects.(proud of it though:D)..but.the year before i reenter was the hardest shit.i use to have this uncle of mine.whom.i can speak to.(i rarely speak to my parents bout my problem).he died from leukemia.i love him.i do.i was there for most of the time.push his wheel chair brought him to food centres.helped him to stand.he peed while i hold him firmly.i was 1 mth before he died.i wanna meet him.cause he was in a bed mum told me im too young to go in.i was kinda pissed...he died in december.3rd if i recall correctly..i cried.while wishing my farewell.kissed him on the forehead.before he was sent to the cemetry.god.that was the time.when i cry like a baby...the last place.i ate with was at west coast ayer rajah.:D.thats where i use to work.fate huh?

So that year also.i broke with my first long term ex galfren.we were going to our 1 year 6 mth.i couldnt handle her suck big time ya noe.i called off for the break up.while i was fucking her on the bed.hahahah.true she cried chasing me.oh shes naked btw.i took the key and off i was a life better without her.this was 15.

I got my self in a deep shit.i was from a gang.hoho.i wanted to quit.(ill make this short and sweet.if ya wanna noe ask me.:D).so it was a big HOOHA.hahah.At one time they knock outside my door.and they were tons of they finally let me of.after a meeting with my head chief.i had to pay.and i was off.

So the year started with me.alone.:D.i rememberred i was the tall one.everyone was god damn sucks.i was realy embarassed.i was trying to find someone tall to hide behind.and i new life.and the journey start from there.

Btw i was from home during that lesson right.i knew i will fail this god damn fucked up cook class.and i decided i took theres this one time.the teacher ask.who is not happy with me.raise i raise up.hahah.and told her i wanna go art class.hahah.i ran out.from the class.went to the art class.and get inside.before this.i know nuts about drawing.then i met this beautiful angel like motherly figure.:D.miss hoe!!.she me what i can do.and i let u in.ofkorse i show her.SHE LET ME IN!!.thats when i discovered i can draw.and paint..hoho. first week of school i faught with this huge ass gorrilla.this big size bully.was pissing me i went up to him.and settled.:D.hoho.

I cant miss this part.cause.this girl that im gona talk a part of my journey...she was there the whole time.and.Her name.U guessed it.:D.this girl.ermm..this the source.of who i am now.this precious girl of mine.I grew up with her.knowing her.knowing her family.ive seen her small sis.from a baby to a toddler.i heard she can sing now.:D.she can run too!!.amazing kan~..and her lil bro.used to cry alot.but.its getting lesser.and more independent.thats what i heard from her..i know her past.and i share my past with her..we did amazing things together.weve beent too many was really beautiful...but its history now..but i wanna have a new chapter again with her.i realy do.It will be amazing this time.realy.i swear its gona work out..i wanna hear that very 3 words u gona tell me everyday..back dying to hear love.realy.kk.enaf.i need to stop here.i can go on forever.

Right now.ive been to many places.ive seen so many faces.heard many experience.and no living my life now.realy.!.what im trying to say doesnt mattter.what shits ure gona face.face it.cause.the more u run.the will chase you.and when ure alone.and the problem arise..its gona be difficult.i noe it will.dont worry.u have your friends.your family to rely on.but always remember not to repeat the mistake.

so here goes

To my beloved brother Iman.Bro i am realy happy i met you.serious shit.although.our friendship havent reach a year.we are like brothers.with diff blood and diff skin.hohhoho.bro.i realy want this from you.Ace this Os.go to your fav course.Aero space thing.go for it man.i noe u can do it.i noe u can.!.jangan malas bro.tak leh complacent ok!.oh jage farah!.dun repeat any mistake.cause i a a beautiful girl.not only her exterior but her heart also.k?

To my young blood brother naz.Bro.gua wish you all the best.ure young.enjoy your life!.jgn luper buat home work.skola important hard.GRIND HARDER!!.hohohahah.u will get the girl of your have a talent.i sence that in your way up.REACH SAMPAI Os!!.take good care of your self.ure young.and im glad youre so mature.JAGER MAN!!.hahahahah.

To My newest sister.Idaah.whatever happens.happens.tak leh rewind.:D.keep on going jer.Everything will will take hard girl.serious SHYYYIATE!!hoho.kening da lawar nampak!.hehehe.sometime desicion have to be brave.aku sayang kau siul!

To my Brother kaper siuuut.haha.bro.jgn give your way up.i noe u can do it bro.u have matured so much.realy.tu botol pun mesti maintain jugak!.rosak siul badan kau nanti.hahaha.enjoy bro!

hahaha.i dun realy noe why i type all this down.but.haha.i juz did.aku macm nak mati gitu kan..muahahhaa.aaku concern jer ngn korang.seroius.aku nanti duduk ns.korang camner jer.aku busy ker.aper look out for one another.hahah.always have this mentality.kalau kau susah.ade orang lagi susah.kalau die boleh solve.kenaper kau tak leh.!

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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

hopefully she`ll check this out.

1)What's his/her full name?
- :D
2) Does he or she have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
- no.
3) Do you know a secret about him/her?
- yeah..
4)Is this person older than you?
- nope.shes turning 18 this finally.
5) Has he/she ever cooked for you?
- No.but.she bake cookies before!and ive tried it.and to me.its delicious
6) When was the last time you thought of him/her?
- a sec ago.shes in my heart.
7) Do you have a nickname for each other?
- I called her sweety when we juz get to know each other.
8) How many times do you talk to this person in a week?
- rarely.:(
9) Why is this person your 1st featured?
- Why?isnt it obviouse.cause im in love with her.
10) Have you seen this person cry?
- yeah.tons.cause.ive made her cry most of the realy sorry.:(
11) How long have you known this person?
- When i was going 16.its been 5 years.
12) Have you ever been to the mall with this person?
- yeah.weve been to many malls.i love going out with her.cause.she wont fail to make me smile.shes the sweetest.
13) Have you ever watched movies at his/her place?
- movie.?yeah.with her family.huhur.i remembered it was always at night.
14) If you ever moved away would you leave her/he ?
- No.y should i.?
15) Have you ever given this person something?
- yeah.
16) Have you ever done something really stupid with this person?
- realy stupid.?hahah.ermm.there was this once.we took a wrong bus.and headed to da wrong direction.
17) What is it that you love doing with this person?
- i be close by her.I love it when she talk.she smile.those big garfield smile.her long wavy hair.I love how the way she walk with a lil jerk.I like the way when she say i love you too.I love it when she cuddle me..but most of all.i love her heart.
18) Do you hate anything about him/her?
- hate.?yeaah.back then.her takings things easy.but right now im like her now.:D
19) Do you know everything about this person?
- everything.?hmm..back then.
20) Do you know this person's shoe size?
- 7.
21) Have you ever worn this person's clothes ?
- her clothes.?no.but she wore mine.:D
22) Have you ever heard this person sing?
- yeah.and i tell you.she got the most beatiful voice.
23) Have you and this person ever had a fight?
- yeah.and i remember every single one of it.and im realy sorry.
24) Have you and this person went WHAT ?
- .?
25) Do you know how to make this person feel happy?
- yeah!!.
26) Do you and this person talk a lot?
- talk alot.?back then..when we talk hours and hours through the wee morning.never ever get tired talking to her.
27) Have you kicked this person?
- kick.?never.
28) Do you love this person?
- yeap.ofcourse.the only one.
29) Do you want to be with him/her forever?
- yeas i do want that.
30) Why?
- why.?cause..this heart of mine feeling so empty.without her.i need her..thats the truth.and i believe.this special girl that im refering to is the matter how matter what obstacle im facing.or she is facing.i will never give a reason.not to neglect her..i swear..can i have u baby.?i swear.ill be perfect.

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Friday, May 1, 2009

In confusion.

Cause i am

Cause i`m a star,i`m a playa
I`m a sweet dammit
Cause i`m a drug,i`m a pill
I know you want me,say it.
You wanna touch,you wanna kiss.
I know u dig me.ladies.

Cause so fly.
(watch this)this is so funny.

I donno how to put a vid from youtube here.Anyone wanna teach me.?

To bestfriend.
I know im a bit untamed now.
I know.sometime.i go crazy.
I know im not the best person in da world for you.
But i`ll stop.anything.You dislike.
I`ll realy be carefull.Cause I love you best friend.
No more wet cheeks ok.?

Today going to Georgia.Anyone.?
i swear its gonna be fun.

Life been bored.But i have friends.All around me.
Take any cup near you.raise it up.
Cheers to the life.!
Cheers to to the race of life!
Cheers to fate!
Cheers to ourself!

Am i a star.?


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Saturday, April 25, 2009

Let me get drunk one more time.i need it.

I just can't stop thinking about you.Wanting to be with you.Realising that i am not that important to you now.I want to move on.Take another road and brace it.

i love u from the start.i love u from nothing.
(this is my last post bout u)

No matter what.I am da star.I am gona shine.

Dear sun

U shine so bright.when i need you.
U glare.when i seek you.
And yet.
Twinkle Star.
Thinks that he misused you.
Twinkle Star holds you dearly.
Twinkle Star sorry.
Twinkle stat thinks that he need u now.
Then ever before.
Cause i am the little star.
that need Sunshine

Been with farhana.Dikir.Takraw.and friends.

Cammed with far.Didnt wanna post so much though.In no mood.

In the end.
Star need companion.


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Monday, April 20, 2009

Cintaku cintamu
My love.your love
I want you to open up your heart.
And imagine.
As if im whispering to your ears.
Like every night we've been doing
Do you remember back then.?
Do you remember my touch.?
Do you remember everything we have done together.?
Fear that is tearing you apart.
I noe im not perfect.
I not strong.
With you ive gone so far
As you're my aim
You`re my core
As i speak
Do you remember every fight.?
Do you remember all the smiles.?
Do you remember all the sacrifice.?
or is it.
You only remember one.?
the fight.
Do you realise.
I always try to tell you what is right and what is wrong.?
Do you realise.
I always tell you about the storms.?
Do you realise.
that right now i`m torn.?
I know you're happy.
I know you want joy.
do u know what i want.
All i want is to see your joy.
Since now.
im replaced.
Since're away.
I tell me self.
Fiz you got to be strong.
So sick of it.Fuck
Am i to blame.?
Lie to my self.
Everything is ok.
Lie to my self.
I just dont get it.
you leave me this way.
Atleast i now know.
Im to blame
For my right to ask you to talk to me.
To ask you to spend time with me.
To tell me.What have you been doing.
To know.Are you ok without me.
To realise.You're so far away.
To understand.I am an obstacle in your way.
To cry.For your existence.
each day.
Am i not worthy.
If im away..u're happy this way.
I let you be.In exchange for my need.
Don't tell me.
You're not good enough for me.
Cause.From day 1.
I know you are meant for me.
Can you feel my heartbeat now.?
Now.listen closely.
I will change.If you want me.
I will be the best if u let me try.
I will be your everything.If you give me time.
But right now.i have none.
You want to soar.
I want to soar,
with you.
Oh baby.when will i have you.


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Friday, April 17, 2009

I will remember today.for as long as live.

Today.i met u.I finally.felt a burden lift.not burden actually.ermm..more like sadness.I confessed to i felt.I cried from time to time.but ive told u.what u are to me.I hope.from truthful ok.?i love u so so much.

I realy the still your answer.

Today went out with venice and gang.It was reeeeeally fun.hah.went to this kopitiam ar jurong point.enjoyed my day.

i realy want you to be happy.This is the best i can do.cause i love you.Study hard ok.?jgn pikir pasl aper aper lar.u tahu kan.what u go for it.

Oh,when i have da pics.ill post it up:D

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