Let me scream

2009-11-08T13:06:00.003+08:00

Suddenly.i feel that the the sky is falling.

shit.

dead and gone

2009-09-03T02:18:00.000+08:00

K,right now its 2:18.its 3rd sept 2009.

8 mored days before im serving my ns.4 weeks of hell i suppose.?.I'm not afraid of facing that harsh hellish battle zone.i don't mind at all.But i mind.this.Life.my beloved.friends.and that special someone.

Everyone knows.life do sucks.but.why go through it.everyday.Im 19+ going to be 20 soon.and im glad till today.i could hear my heart beat.i could feel my feet touching the floor.i could see smiles.i could taste the god damn delicious foods out there.

Everyone may see me.as easy going.relax.go with the flow kinda attitude.you guys feel this space up larh ok.hahah.but im actually afraid.of beng alone.it realy scares me.This fear devour me every time..why u ask.its simple.

I grew up alone.i grew up by the streets.no one thought me from right or wrong.Where are my parents u might asked.erm,they are still here alive.well.:D.great.ermm.how should i put it nicely.they are the kind.which give me freedom to explore with little guidence.but who made me for who i am is the experience.ive seen through out my life.Ive been to the lowest of lowest.and for now.highest of highest.so.u might be wondering.why.i am so.reckless.sometimes.bescause i dun understand.im very curious about life.realy.i do.its hard to mould my mind.because it was everywhere at first.it wasnt easy.

Things change.when i retained.when i was 15.i failed all my subjects.(proud of it though:D)..but.the year before i reenter school.it was the hardest shit.i use to have this uncle of mine.whom.i can speak to.(i rarely speak to my parents bout my problem).he died from leukemia.i love him.i do.i was there for him.like most of the time.push his wheel chair brought him to food centres.helped him to stand.he peed while i hold him firmly.i was 15.so.exactly 1 mth before he died.i wanna meet him.cause he was in a bed state.my mum told me im too young to go in.i was kinda pissed...he died in december.3rd if i recall correctly..i cried.while wishing my farewell.kissed him on the forehead.before he was sent to the cemetry.god.that was the time.when i cry like a baby...the last place.i ate with was at west coast ayer rajah.:D.thats where i use to work.fate huh?

So that year also.i broke with my first long term ex galfren.we were going to our 1 year 6 mth.i couldnt handle her bull.nimore.it suck big time ya noe.i called off for the break up.while i was fucking her on the bed.hahahah.true story.no joke.so she cried chasing me.oh shes naked btw.i took the key and off i go...it was a relief.cause..my life better without her.this was 15.

I got my self in a deep shit.i was from a gang.hoho.i wanted to quit.(ill make this short and sweet.if ya wanna noe ask me.:D).so it was a big HOOHA.hahah.At one time they knock outside my door.and they were tons of them..yadaydayda.so they finally let me of.after a meeting with my head chief.i had to pay.and i was off.

So the year started with me.alone.:D.i rememberred i was the tall one.everyone was god damn short.it sucks.i was realy embarassed.i was trying to find someone tall to hide behind.and i did.:D.hoho...got new friends.new life.and the journey start from there.

Btw i was from home economics.hahahaha.so during that lesson right.i knew i will fail this god damn fucked up cook class.and i decided i took art.hahah.so theres this one time.the teacher ask.who is not happy with me.raise up.so i raise up.hahah.and told her i wanna go art class.hahah.i ran out.from the class.went to the art class.and literraly.beg.to get inside.before this.i know nuts about drawing.then i met this beautiful angel like motherly figure.:D.miss hoe!!.she said.show me what i can do.and i let u in.ofkorse i show her.SHE LET ME IN!!.thats when i discovered i can draw.and paint..hoho.

Oh.my first week of school i faught with this huge ass gorrilla.this big size bully.was pissing me off.hahah.so i went up to him.and settled.:D.hoho.

I cant miss this part.cause.this girl that im gona talk about.is a part of my journey...she was there the whole time.and.Her name.U guessed it.:D.this girl.ermm..this lady.is the source.of everything.to who i am now.this precious girl of mine.I grew up with her.knowing her.knowing her family.ive seen her small sis.from a baby to a toddler.i heard she can sing now.:D.she can run too!!.amazing kan~..and her lil bro.used to cry alot.but.its getting lesser.and more independent.thats what i heard from her..i know her past.and i share my past with her..we did amazing things together.weve beent too many malls.food courts.it was really beautiful...but its history now..but i wanna have a new chapter again with her.i realy do.It will be amazing this time.realy.i swear its gona work out..i wanna hear that very 3 words u gona tell me everyday..back then..im dying to hear that.my love.realy.kk.enaf.i need to stop here.i can go on forever.

Right now.ive been to many places.ive seen so many faces.heard many experience.and no regret.im living my life now.realy.!.what im trying to say is.ermm.it doesnt mattter.what shits ure gona face.face it.cause.the more u run.the more.it will chase you.and when ure alone.and the problem arise..its gona be difficult.i noe it will.dont worry.u have your friends.your family to rely on.but always remember not to repeat the mistake.

so here goes

To my beloved brother Iman.Bro i am realy happy i met you.serious shit.although.our friendship havent reach a year.we are like brothers.with diff blood and diff skin.hohhoho.bro.i realy want this from you.Ace this Os.go to your fav course.Aero space thing.go for it man.i noe u can do it.i noe u can.!.jangan malas bro.tak leh complacent ok!.oh jage farah!.dun repeat any mistake.cause i noe.in a glance.farah.is a beautiful girl.not only her exterior but her heart also.k?

To my young blood brother naz.Bro.gua wish you all the best.ure young.enjoy your life!.jgn luper buat home work.skola important siul.work hard.GRIND HARDER!!.hohohahah.u will get the girl of your dream.you have a talent.i sence that in you.work your way up.REACH SAMPAI Os!!.take good care of your self.ure young.and im glad youre so mature.JAGER MAN!!.hahahahah.

To My newest sister.Idaah.whatever happens.happens.tak leh rewind.:D.keep on going jer.Everything will heal.it will take time.k.work hard girl.serious SHYYYIATE!!hoho.kening da lawar nampak!.hehehe.sometime desicion have to be made.be brave.aku sayang kau siul!

To my Brother fahmy.bro.engineering kaper siuuut.haha.bro.jgn give up.work your way up.i noe u can do it bro.u have matured so much.realy.tu botol pun mesti maintain jugak!.rosak siul badan kau nanti.hahaha.enjoy bro!

hahaha.i dun realy noe why i type all this down.but.haha.i juz did.aku macm nak mati gitu kan..muahahhaa.aaku concern jer ngn korang.seroius.aku nanti duduk ns.korang camner jer.aku busy ker.aper ker.so look out for one another.hahah.always have this mentality.kalau kau susah.ade orang lagi susah.kalau die boleh solve.kenaper kau tak leh.!

hopefully she`ll check this out.

2009-09-02T03:16:00.000+08:00

1)What's his/her full name?
- :D
2) Does he or she have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
- no.
3) Do you know a secret about him/her?
- yeah..
4)Is this person older than you?
- nope.shes turning 18 this year.like finally.
5) Has he/she ever cooked for you?
- No.but.she bake cookies before!and ive tried it.and to me.its delicious
6) When was the last time you thought of him/her?
- a sec ago.shes in my mind.my heart.
7) Do you have a nickname for each other?
- I called her sweety when we juz get to know each other.
8) How many times do you talk to this person in a week?
- rarely.:(
9) Why is this person your 1st featured?
- Why?isnt it obviouse.cause im in love with her.
10) Have you seen this person cry?
- yeah.tons.cause.ive made her cry most of the time.im realy sorry.:(
11) How long have you known this person?
- When i was going 16.its been 5 years.
12) Have you ever been to the mall with this person?
- yeah.weve been to many malls.i love going out with her.cause.she wont fail to make me smile.shes the sweetest.
13) Have you ever watched movies at his/her place?
- movie.?yeah.with her family.huhur.i remembered it was always at night.
14) If you ever moved away would you leave her/he ?
- No.y should i.?
15) Have you ever given this person something?
- yeah.
16) Have you ever done something really stupid with this person?
- realy stupid.?hahah.ermm.there was this once.we took a wrong bus.and headed to da wrong direction.
17) What is it that you love doing with this person?
- i love.to be close by her.I love it when she talk.she smile.those big garfield smile.her long wavy hair.I love how the way she walk with a lil jerk.I like the way when she say i love you too.I love it when she cuddle me..but most of all.i love her heart.
18) Do you hate anything about him/her?
- hate.?yeaah.back then.her takings things easy.but right now im like her now.:D
19) Do you know everything about this person?
- everything.?hmm..back then.
20) Do you know this person's shoe size?
- 7.
21) Have you ever worn this person's clothes ?
- her clothes.?no.but she wore mine.:D
22) Have you ever heard this person sing?
- yeah.and i tell you.she got the most beatiful voice.
23) Have you and this person ever had a fight?
- yeah.and i remember every single one of it.and im realy sorry.
24) Have you and this person went WHAT ?
- .?
25) Do you know how to make this person feel happy?
- yeah!!.
26) Do you and this person talk a lot?
- talk alot.?back then..when we talk hours and hours through the wee morning.never ever get tired talking to her.
27) Have you kicked this person?
- kick.?never.
28) Do you love this person?
- yeap.ofcourse.the only one.
29) Do you want to be with him/her forever?
- yeas i do want that.
30) Why?
- why.?cause..this heart of mine feeling so empty.without her.i need her..thats the truth.and i believe.this special girl that im refering to is the one.no matter how long.no matter what obstacle im facing.or she is facing.i will never give a reason.not to neglect her..i swear..can i have u baby.?i swear.ill be perfect.

In confusion.

2009-05-01T01:30:00.002+08:00

Cause i am

Cause i`m a star,i`m a playa
I`m a sweet dammit
Cause i`m a drug,i`m a pill
I know you want me,say it.
You wanna touch,you wanna kiss.
I know u dig me.ladies.

Cause ladies.im so fly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3_p8b2fwjk
(watch this)this is so funny.

I donno how to put a vid from youtube here.Anyone wanna teach me.?

To bestfriend.
I know im a bit untamed now.
I know.sometime.i go crazy.
I know im not the best person in da world for you.
But i`ll stop.anything.You dislike.
I`ll realy be carefull.Cause I love you best friend.
No more wet cheeks ok.?

Today going to Georgia.Anyone.?
:D
i swear its gonna be fun.

Life been bored.But i have friends.All around me.
Take any cup near you.raise it up.
Cheers to the life.!
Cheers to to the race of life!
Cheers to fate!
Cheers to ourself!

Am i a star.?

Let me get drunk one more time.i need it.

2009-04-25T21:26:00.007+08:00

I just can't stop thinking about you.Wanting to be with you.Realising that i am not that important to you now.I want to move on.Take another road and brace it.

i love u from the start.i love u from nothing.

(this is my last post bout u)

No matter what.I am da star.I am gona shine.

Dear sun

U shine so bright.when i need you.

U glare.when i seek you.

And yet.

Twinkle Star.

Thinks that he misused you.

Twinkle Star holds you dearly.

Twinkle Star sorry.

Twinkle stat thinks that he need u now.

Then ever before.

Cause i am the little star.

that need Sunshine

Been with farhana.Dikir.Takraw.and friends.

Cammed with far.Didnt wanna post so much though.In no mood.

In the end.

Star need companion.

Forever.

Anyone.?

2009-04-20T01:19:00.002+08:00

Cintaku cintamu

My love.your love

I want you to open up your heart.

And imagine.

As if im whispering to your ears.

Like every night we've been doing

Do you remember back then.?

Do you remember my touch.?

Do you remember everything we have done together.?

Maybe

Fear that is tearing you apart.

I noe im not perfect.

I know.im not strong.

But

With you ive gone so far

As you're my aim

You`re my core

As i speak

Do you remember every fight.?

Do you remember all the smiles.?

Do you remember all the sacrifice.?

or is it.

You only remember one.?

the fight.

Do you realise.

I always try to tell you what is right and what is wrong.?

Do you realise.

I always tell you about the storms.?

Do you realise.

that right now i`m torn.?

I know you're happy.

I know you want joy.

But

do u know what i want.

All i want is to see your joy.

Since now.

im replaced.

Since now.you're away.

I tell me self.

Fiz you got to be strong.

So sick of it.Fuck

Am i to blame.?

Lie to my self.

Everything is ok.

Lie to my self.

Im happy.today

I just dont get it.

Why

you leave me this way.

Atleast i now know.

Im to blame

For my right to ask you to talk to me.

To ask you to spend time with me.

To tell me.What have you been doing.

To know.Are you ok without me.

To realise.You're so far away.

To understand.I am an obstacle in your way.

To cry.For your existence.

each day.

Am i not worthy.

If im away..u're happy this way.

I let you be.In exchange for my need.

Don't tell me.

You're not good enough for me.

Cause.From day 1.

I know you are meant for me.

Can you feel my heartbeat now.?

Now.listen closely.

I will change.If you want me.

I will be the best if u let me try.

I will be your everything.If you give me time.

But right now.i have none.

You want to soar.

I want to soar,

with you.

Oh baby.when will i have you.

2009-04-17T00:41:00.002+08:00

I will remember today.for as long as live.

Today.i met u.I finally.felt a burden lift.not burden actually.ermm..more like sadness.I confessed to u.how i felt.I cried from time to time.but ive told u.what u are to me.I hope.from today.u.be truthful ok.?i love u so so much.

I realy hope.at the end.im still your answer.

Today went out with venice and gang.It was reeeeeally fun.hah.went to eat.at this kopitiam ar jurong point.enjoyed my day.

i realy want you to be happy.This is the best i can do.cause i love you.Study hard ok.?jgn pikir pasl aper aper lar.u tahu kan.what u want.so go for it.

Oh,when i have da pics.ill post it up:D

2009-04-16T00:29:00.007+08:00

Hey.:D.

Yesterday was a Greeeeeat day for me.I went to SP dok.haha.gerek per.hahah.Went bowling.to this club house.hah.I think i was not permitted actually.Aper aku kisah kan.so went there.met Far frens.I find that SP people are fun to be with.They are soooooo loud.oh and the food is soooooo cheap.happy sak aku.makan bende murah.after a very long time.ahahahha.Although i met them for the first time.They treat me like friends..GEREK PER!.hah.okok.i suck at the first round though.But i get the momentum naturally.kater..talented.hahaha.then...STRIIIIKE!!!!..

Oh yar befor that.there was this cute chick came up anf ask me.so i think this is how the conversation go.

*Chick wave at far.then i smile.

Chick:Saper laki tu.handsome.

Me:Hafiz.*turn around

Chick:*smiles

Me:*turn back and almost hit a ladder

hahah.tak sangke.aku masih laku kan..hahahah.I find her interesting..hahaha.i got to know her name.H******.hahahha...yg tahu.diam.

After that went slacking at this place..coooooool kapeeer...skola aku pun kalah seh.k.pastu bobal ar.there was lina.nasuha.far and me.we chat larh kan.pastu..kiter gi engok budak silat.then balik.in da bus.decided.to chill kat umah far.i was so hungry by then.aku da pokai siuuut.that time kiter kan gi.*sentosa*.heh.yang tahu.diam.eh aku nak buat line baru ar.jap eh.

Yang tahu.diam.y.t.d.*coool kapeeer

Far belanjeeer makn.hahahah.pedas siut.mind over matter.dok.then she help me.do ma bloooogspot.met her mum.da lamer gitu kan...went back home.exhousted.tired.penat.letih.Oh luper.kiter ambik gambar.aku da lamer tak ambik gambar.hahah.aku macm.budak ..tah lar.tak nak elaborate.reach bout 1215..by then.aku mandi terus tdo~....

thursday.the day.i hope u tell me everything truthfully.since u kept me in the dark all the time.

eh aku luper letak gambar.jap eh

Kangaroo per.?hah

Kalau aku pasrah.saper nak jage aku.?:D

2009-04-15T13:00:00.000+08:00

So thats me

This is ma latest blog after a very looooooong time.hehe.im waiting for ma NS.now.Sort of completed ma first year and will be continueing ma school year after NS.Im gona take things easy from now on.I guess.Live the life man!!!so.IM LIVING IT NOW!!!muahahahha.ok.

Things got very difficult for me.Very.But.what can i do kan..let nature take its course i guess.I guess.i learn from it.though its hard im trying to except it.cause.I think.I have to matured about it.If theres such a thing as love.Heres my prove.Im letting go easily.After a long time.Things change.Hah..alot.So..im moving~ on..:D.The fact is.i still love u so so much.If i cannot make u happy now.Maybe later.when im much stronger.Hope.ull wait for me.When i have everything in hand.I hope i have a place in ur heart till then.

I am a computer noob.Betul la!.haha.haizz.kesian aku.k takper.so i ask a very good friend of mine.Bst friend in fact.FARHANA JAIS.JENG JENG JENG!!.teehee.okok.she help me out.but letting me pick what i want.beeeest kan.hahahaha.Big tanx to far.lol.okok.so thats it for ma forst post.

Im gona shine so bright.you cant handle me